Families

Welcome to the families section of iFace. If you have a brother or sister with a disfigurement and would like to talk about what it's like, or if you have a disfigurement and your parents have given you some brilliant (or awful!) advice, this is the place for you. Don't forget the 'Add your story' button at the bottom of the green box on the right if you have ideas for new forum subjects.

Note: Unfortunately, Changing Faces is currently unable to continue to provide its discussion forums. We are looking into alternatives to put in place as quickly as possible.

In the meantime, why not check out discussion forums on Facebook?

Other helpful sites:

A

There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't wear clothes that show your scar or your difference. You should not have to feel that you need to cover yourself up.

It is important to feel comfortable in what you are wearing, and it is fine to feel a little bit nervous if you are trying out a new look or showing your scars or difference for the first time.

You can always take a little jumper with you and take it off when you are feeling more confident. It sounds like you should keep the top and give it a go. You might just want to wear it around the house for a few hours to get used to your new look.

Just focus on the fact that you look great and that others will also think the same.

If you would like more tips or stratagies as to how to build your self-confidence you can contact michelleb@changingfaces.org.uk

 

A It's hard when the main person that you turn to for support is no longer around. Can you regularly chat to your sister on the phone or by email? Is it possible to meet up with her at the weekends?  If you can't, are there other family members, friends, teachers, youth workers or counsellors you can talk to?

It's worth remembering that it's not always easy for other people to understand how you feel about things or understand what it's like for you. You might need to give them examples of things that have happened and how this has made you feel so that they can help you.

E.g. rather than just saying, 'Other people give me a hard time', it will help other people to understand better if you can explain if you can explain what has happened in more detail and say how it affects you in more detail.  E.g. 'Other people at school ask me about my face and it's really annoying me because I don't want to deal with their questions all the time. I feel like I don't want to go to school.  Can you help me work out what to do please?'

A Your Mum is probably trying her best to be supportive but she may not know how to say the right thing, leaving you feeling as if she doesn't understand what it is like to be you.

There is no magic cure that will make you suddenly feel good about how you look.  It is more about slowly changing the way you think about yourself and also doing some practical things to help.

It's really easy to look in the mirror and focus on what you don't like and these negative thoughts can become overwhelming.  Start to think about what you DO like about your appearance, e.g. your eyes, your smile, your nails, your height. It might help to ask a trusted friend what they like about their appearance and get them to help you think about yours.

Taking pride in your overall look can help make you feel more confident on the inside too. A good haircut, some new clothes, planning what you want to wear, some great nail varnish or jewellery can all give you a boost.  If you can't afford to buy new things, go vintage, swap or borrow things with friends or put some special items on your Christmas and birthday list!

A It's normal to feel lots of different things when you have a brother or sister who has a visible difference, e.g. left out, worried, relieved, angry or guilty. The important thing is not to keep your feelings to yourself.  You need to talk to an adult you can trust.

Do you get any time alone with your Mum or Dad when you can talk to them about how you're feeling, e.g. on the way to the supermarket or walking to school? If not, is there a family friend, one of your friends' parents or a teacher you can chat to?

You could suggest that you have time alone with your Mum or Dad once in a while. This could be a monthly shopping trip, going on the local climbing wall or a regular chat at the end of each day or week.

www.cafamily.org.uk/siblings has information that you could show your parents which explains how you and other teenagers in a similar situation to you may be feeling. www.sibs.org.uk has lots of information and support for teenagers who have a brother or sister who has a disfigurement or another disability.

text: normal | larger | large